How To Change Behaviour Patterns Part 2/2
Are You in a Cycle? Or Completing a Cycle?
In my last blog, I talked about cycles and repeating behaviour patterns and beliefs that become your reality. Have you ever thought whether you are in some sort of cycle in terms of a pattern or a cycle of behaviour or an experience or a situation?
Around me, there are people that I see and that I meet and that I talk to and people that I'm working with, I hear them often say, “Why does this always happen to me?” Or, “Yet again here I am.” Or, “This always happens to me.” As soon as I hear those words I kind of go, “Okay, so we're in a loop here.” And that loop, quite frankly, if you don't end up being able to resolve it or move through it or understand it better, that loop will continue and continue. You might be slightly different; it might be a different person or experience that you're a part of that situation or trigger, but the repetition will come in a very similar form each time for you to have that thought of "why does this always happen to me?" or "this always happens…" or "yet again…"
The reason I'm talking to you about this is because so often we go through life not being aware that we're running those cycles. However, sometimes there will be a pivotal moment where you might decide, you come to that situation yet again, and the following might happen:
- You decide, “I've had enough of this. This is never going to happen again.”
- You realise something about that situation you have never seen before which brings new clarity
- You start to become aware that this situation or trigger is something that you're responding to or not responding to (in an ignoring and it will go away way!), so you are then able to change your reaction and your response to it.
- You may go through a journey of discovery from one part of that cycle where you have this situation or trigger come up; it may be conflict, it may be rejection, it might be an argument, it could be a yo-yo cycle with your weight or a period of self-sabotage or procrastination, for example.
What does an unconscious behaviour cycle looks like?
But when you have gone from one situation, one cycle of that behaviour and you've gone through the range of emotions or negative thoughts and actions that came with it and then things look like they're settling down a little bit, you then go through that cycle again. There will come a point where you get back to the point in that cycle where you will probably have another similar situation or trigger if you do nothing to change how you think, feel or act within that situation.
What does a conscious behaviour cycle look like?
You can come to a situation that feels negative, challenging or triggers you and you start to make inroads to changing what your thoughts are about that, changing what you feel you might need to change inside of yourself so you can react to those situations differently. Allowing things, emotions and/or people to go out of your life as opposed to stay in there knowing that you'll be back in that same space again in a matter of months, years, or some other point in your lifetime, if nothing changes.
The difference is, when you're making those little changes and little steps to understand yourself and that behaviour pattern and cycle better, when it comes to that situation happening again, you can respond completely differently. What often happens when you can see that situation from a very different point of view, a very different perspective, and deal with it in a very different way because you've learned so much about yourself in between the cycles, that cycle then gets laid to rest.
As you start to think about things differently, choose different behaviours, opt to do something positive and empowered in terms of how you respond, how you react, who you have around you, then you'll probably find that the next time won't come. There won't be another cycle because you will have run the course of that to learn the lesson that situation, trigger, incident, that cycle, that sequence, that pattern, is being put in place for you to look at.
Until you recognize that that pattern is there for you to learn something, for you to adapt to something, or to make you aware of something that needs to change in your life, it will continue to run and run.
There's been a really big behaviour cycle that's been running for me over the last year and it's only just come to a closure. To be fair, it’s been running my whole life unconsciously, but consciously, it's been running for the last year in something I've been working with. I've personally been working with it, I've been trying to understand myself around it better, what it means to me. It only came to a closure literally a few weeks ago.
It was in that moment leading up to where this cycle came to an end that I could see so clearly the lessons that I had learned as a result of working through that cycle and understanding it differently to how I had ever understood it or responded to it in the past.
That cycle for me was around personal integrity versus connection with others.
I always felt that as somebody who is very strong in their personal integrity, I also felt this conflict of wanting to be so deeply connected with other people which meant I would sacrifice my personal integrity at times in order to maintain connection with others - to be liked, to be wanted, to be pleasing other people, and to be accepted.
At times the cost of that was to my own integrity. You would never hear me say “Enough is enough.” Or, “I don't want to do that.” Or, “That's not in line with my values.”
I would go really strong on the personal connection and ignore my own feelings. I would ignore anything that was going on for me and say, “Well, they want that so I need to give that to them. I said I would do that and even though I feel I can't do it now so I'm still going to do it.”
The cost of that cycle for me has moved through my life in so many different ways, in hindsight, because I was oblivious to this until a year ago really when actually that question was asked to me, “What would you prefer - personal integrity versus connection with others?”
It wasn't until 12 months later, exploring this on and off, having this new awareness of various conflicts of personal integrity versus connections with others that I was experiencing, that actually those instances, those conflicts, those feelings, those imbalances between the two made me realise this super important fact:
Why should you ever choose?
Why shouldn't you have both?
Why can't you have both?
And the moment I realised that, that cycle was done because I knew that I could stand in my power, in my own integrity of saying what's true for me and what's true for what I believe in and my values and my integrity and understanding that the people who love me and want me to be me will still be completely connected to me. That fear I had of standing in my truth and not being wanted by other people was completely unfounded. I'm sure there will be people who won't particularly want to connect with me as a result of me standing in my integrity, but I'm okay with that because I understand that at the core of me I know I am available for both personal integrity and connection with others.
It was in that 12-month cycle of really starting to just work with that, just journaling on it occasionally, just taking the time to think about it, looking at certain instances that were going on and wondering whether this was personal integrity versus connection with others playing a role, that I was able to make little steps to change them, to tweak my feelings about it, to exercise the muscle that says, “I'm not available for that.” To exercise the muscle that says, “If we do this, I'd really like to be able to stay in integrity with this and this is how it's going to look for me.” To really strengthen that muscle, so I was able then to really understand that people will still be there when you say what you want to say and you feel the way you want to feel and you respond the way you want to respond, which is in integrity and in truth.
That cycle might look different for everybody.
As I said, it might be an overeating cycle, it might be self-sabotage, it might be procrastination, it might be relationships, it might be commitment, it might be a cycle within work that maybe every few years you get itchy feet and you want to move on to another job or different career. It might be something that happens to you, not something that you manifest in your life as well.
Really working with the energy around that, really understanding it, really starting to practice the alternative to that cycle with little conscious, empowered actions, daily inspired actions, affirmations, allowing you to work with the changes you need to make on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level, will take you to a point where either that cycle will never come up again for you, or it may come up and you're able to respond completely differently to how you would have ever done before.
In that empowered place, you create that closure of the cycle, of that lesson, and you will be able to liberate yourself from it, free yourself from it, and allow you to take a different path, a completely different path towards your health and happiness. It really starts to lay some of the fears, some of the ego feelings, and some of the self-sabotage off. The cycle, that behaviour pattern, that belief completely lets go because it realises there is no hold on you for that anymore.
I wanted to share this because some of you may be in a cycle right now.
You may be coming to the climax of that cycle, as in you're in the situation, you're in a conflict, trigger or you're in something that's coming to a head right now.
You might be at the point where you can really learn something now in order to change this cycle; either to lay it to bed or to know that you are now going to make steps to make sure that this doesn't have to happen again.
You're changing that path.
You're changing that cycle.
You're letting go of any vows, any oaths, any past life pledges that you may have taken on into this life as well.
There's just so much that we take on that comes into this life that we're in now.
Allow yourself to do that, to explore it, and you will be absolutely amazed at what things can change for you as a result of that.
For me it was really stepping into my intuitive gifts. It was really tuning into those and becoming aware that I'm very powerful as a healer and really believing in myself. All that came as a result of really exploring that cycle of personal integrity versus connection with others.
What is your cycle?
Do you have a behaviour pattern that runs on the background that you're only just becoming aware of and want to work with it to release it now?
Are you noticing there’s something that you say “yet again here I am” or “this always happens to me” or “this is my cycle”? You might already identify it but you’re just not sure what to do with it.
Let me know, this is precisely the magic I love to create with others to allow them to have the health and life of their dreams. Let's chat and find out what may be going on for you within your cycle, and let's see if we can start to unravel some of these to let them go, so you can have the health and happiness you deserve, because you are worth it.